I remember when I learned that a great percentage of men do not have a close friend that they invite beyond a superficial relationship. I was stunned, but through the years, I have come to believe that it’s true. In fact, it’s far more likely that a man will open himself to that kind of relationship through a church connection than through any other. I think that one reason for that is the call to confess to one another, to pray for one another, to bear with each other. In a culture that focuses on self-fulfillment and self-reliance, this kind of relationship is even more challenging. Some churches that have pursued this have simply used this effort at connection to intensify judgment.

I have had accountable relationships for most of my adult life. In each era, I have been blessed with a couple of men and women who were willing to ask me tough questions, not because they wanted to judge or reject me, but because they loved me and cared about my soul, my marriage, parenting, and my integrity. I mentioned my conversation with Ben Condray last Sunday, and he is just one of many trusted friends that I have invited into my life.

• Shawn was an associate director at the Baptist Student Ministry on my college campus. She was willing to ask me harder questions and then fuel my journey with great books.
• Gordon was a college roommate who knew me embarrassingly well. He was willing to confront doubts, choices, and relationship missteps.
• Paul was my boss in my first job out of seminary. He was delightful, insightful, and could see right through me. His investment was far bigger than just supervision; it was a determined investment in the development of my soul and confrontation of my doubts.
• Joel was a dear friend who really became my brother. He and his wife coached us through parenting, and he challenged me to dig deeper into relationships.
• Nancy was a co-worker who became a counseling partner when I worked with university students. She could push my buttons and ask me such surgical questions that I sometimes believed she really could read my mind.

And here, along with Ben, a handful of men continue to walk with me, asking good questions, and caring much more about what kind of man, disciple, husband, and dad I am than what kind of pastor I am.

It’s easy to bluff your way through life. But who have you allowed to call your bluff? Who have you invited into that kind of friendship? I can’t state this strongly enough: I do not know how I would have made it through my adulthood years without these priceless friends. And I do not know how YOU will make it without the same kind of men and women who will call YOUR bluff.